I really hate doing this but thought I’d just do it anyway. It’s been going on for almost four months now and I can’t seem to help myself because I never really opened up to anybody. I’ve been having a sleeping disorder causing me to wake up at wee hours of the night and not being able to sleep. The situation made me realize to still be thankful about it because I’m able to get 2-3 hours of sleep per day at least. In most cases, I end up acting like a zombie, with the only difference of being able to take a quick nap while in the car or in the restroom and being able to think clearly again like nothing all is well. I’m starting to feel helpless. As of this writing, it’s already 2:30 AM and I’m outside taking a jog so I can tire myself and force my weakening body to go back to sleep. I really miss you. I feel the need to see a psychiatrist, a therapist, or whoever but so afraid what result might come out. I haven’t really been my complete self lately because I’m still hoping you just needed time to think about what you want to do in your life but it breaks my heart to realize you have moved on with your life and it does not include me. I feel such a loser for not being able to give a fair fight because long distance relationships are already complicated and full of challenges in the first place. Also, add to that the fact that there are so many recent changes in the organization I don’t even have control about. It’s so easy to detach yourself from people and the situation when you’re the one who initiated it, but when you’re on the other side of this crazy reality, you just can’t help but deny the truth that’s been slapping you back and forth since the first time it happened. I thought first cut was the deepest, but felt that this one is more striking than the previous because we had plans and I’m willing to give up everything, but then, you just left me in the middle of all these preparations we had, unprepared. Didn’t even see this coming that’s why it’s hurting me. Could’ve been two years and two months and who knows if we already live together in the same place, but I guess that what if thinking is over because it won’t happen anymore and it’s never going to happen. Well, life.
This thought actually came up after reading an essay from the former president Gloria Arroyo posted in Rappler. Things that I actually read these days are topics I never thought I would be interested until after few years after graduation. Anyway, I am not an economist, but the ability to manage a team taught me that when you take the position of an old fella, you reap BOTH successes and failures, which will BOTH be imminent in the first few years of your leadership. The learning here is being the person who can see the biggest picture of the [country's] situation, we can see the strategies that work, which we can improve better. Same goes with those resulting to losses, which we must abandon.
This job that I have is way too far from politics and will never be close enough. But as a marketer, I am proud that to share that at least we share the same vision, that when we successfully acquire a client, the goal has always been to keep them from growing their success.
I was watching an old episode of an ad series, and somehow, I was able to relate when the lead actor said, “marketing is the ability to out stand others, not the ability to fit in,” which I think applies to the real everyday situations that we face–at school, work, job application, etc.
The ability to command and influence others is both a skill and a talent that require practice to make it an unconscious habit. If you want to be just another mediocre, fit in. But if you want to be somebody, you need learn to outsmart others, at least in a positive way without stepping on anyone.